Memos to new employee -- Ongoing, one-way dialogue.

Written on .

MEMO

To: Bert
From: J.Q. Public
Date: 10/25/09
Subject: Anniversary

Bert,

It's been eleven months since we hired you for this job. You have been on the job for nine months. We hired you because you really studied and looked over our situation, saw the problems and promised us you would roll up your sleeves and get your hands dirty, fixing this mess.

Your predecessor left us in a shambles. We knew it, and was glad when his contract expired and we could be rid of him. You told us, all during the time you were applying for this job, how bad he was and what a mess he left. That helped get you hired -- that and you said you had a plan for fixing everything. We agreed with you. We believed you. We hired you.

Now here we are nine months after you took the job, and nothing's fixed. In fact, some things are even worse now. Yet all we hear from you and your friends is what a mess you inherited. How bad your predecessor was. How some of his friends are obstructing you.

When are you going to stop constantly telling what what we already know, and get to work? Your contract is up in November 2012, and right now you have given us no real reason to consider a renewal for another four years.

We want you to just shut up about how bad things are, and get to work fixing them. This incessant, infantile demonization of your predecessor and his team does nothing at all to fix the problems, and is a waste of your time and our resources. It's not productive.

In our board of directors, there were 59,934,814 NO votes against you for this position. And even though there were just under 10,000,000 more YES votes -- getting you this job -- we are starting to wonder now if the other guy might have been a better choice. Yes, I'm talking buyer's remorse here.

Knock off the immature blame game, the demonization of your predecessor and his staff and allies, quit picking public fights with the media, roll up your sleeves and get to work fixing this mess. We know, we get it that it IS a mess and your predecessor was bad. We don't need you constantly whining, telling us what we already know.

Consider this letter a reprimand and a warning that is going into your permanent file. There will be no more communication on this subject until your current contract is up for renewal and you are again, campaigning for this job. Re-visit this letter every now and then, keeping it clear in your mind what we want, and what we do not want.

Sincerely,
John Q. Public
Chair-person of the Board
United States Citizenry

 

MEMO

To: Bert
From: J.Q. Public
Date: 11/04/09
Subject: Anniversary

Bert,

Congratulations on your first anniversary of your hire. It's been quite a year.

We got no reply from you to our memo of 10/25. No doubt you noticed, some of your friends were fired and replaced last night. A couple of which, we noticed you campaigned for.

You should read our 10/25 memo again, and do some thinking.

Again, happy anniversary!

John.

 

MEMO

To: Bert
From: J.Q. Public
Date: 1/20/10
Subject: Anniversary

Bert,

Congratulations on the first anniversary of your starting work for us. It's been quite a year.

We got no reply from you to our memo of 10/25. No doubt you noticed, some of your friends were fired and replaced back in November. A couple of which, we noticed you campaigned for. Then just the other day, we rejected another of your friends you campaigned for, resoundingly.

You should read our 10/25 memo again, and do some thinking. I mean, really. Read it and do some thinking. You're NOT listening to us.

Again, happy anniversary!

John.

Print