"Choose Life" License Plate Killed By Judge

As a Conservative I am supposed to be outraged by a Federal Judge's ruling that the State of North Carolina cannot issue "Choose Life" license plates without offering a similar product for the opposing viewpoint, but I am not. Don't we have enough ways of annoying people without printing our point of view on a license plate? The tag was going to carry with it a 20 some odd dollar a year fee, but can't you print the same thing on a bumper sticker and put it near your tag for as long as you want at 1/4 the price? Either way, I'm glad that one more specialty tag will not be littering the landscape as I truck across the Country. Here's a clue, people. The best way to make someone hate your cause is to advertise it on your car. That's why I made the following bumper sticker for my store.

This was inspired by a few bumper stickers that I saw which said things like "Real Men Pray" and "Real Men Love Their Wives" or "Real Men Wear Black." Now don't get me wrong, initially I considered making a sticker that informed men who didn't do things exactly the way I did that they weren't real men. A few of my original ideas were "Real Men Wipe With Their Right Hand" and "Real Men Walk Halfway To The Store, Remember They Left Something In The Car And Turn Around To Walk Back, Decide They Don't Need It And Turn Around Again And Continue To Walk Into The Store." I decided against those based on the notion that it is highly unlikely that a real man would be so easily influenced as to change his behavior based on a bumper sticker. The only thing I could potentially do is inform fake men how to slightly alter their behavior to convince others that they are indeed real men. Or something like that.

Now, back to the matter at hand. I am glad this plate will not be issued simply because I am sick and tired of everyone trying to send me a message when I'm supposed to be freaking driving. And what's up with this anyway? Is it any wonder that people get confused when the very people who tell them to quit reading stuff and focus on driving hold meetings to vote on new reading material to place on the back of motorized vehicles? But all of that being said, look at the logic that went into this decision by the Honorable Judge Fox.

“The State’s offering of a Choose Life license plate in the absence of a pro-choice plate constitutes viewpoint discrimination in violation of the First Amendment," he said according to MyFox8.

Hey buddy, don't look now but the suggested plate is pro choice. It says "Choose" right on it, does it not? It doesn't say "Demand Life" or "Life Is The Only Option" or "Choosing Is Too Complicated, Just Wait It Out And See What Happens" does it? No it says "Choose." But here is where the irony gets thick.

However, the legislature rejected six separate amendments that would have authorized a license plate supporting the pro-choice movement. The proposed plates featured phrases such as “Trust Women. Respect Choice,” or simply “Respect Choice," MyFox8 reports.

So wait a second. The people who wanted a plate that said "Respect Choice" sued because they didn't like the North Carolina General Assembly's choice to allow people to publicly express their support for a potential choice? Do I have that right Liberals? Well, that is so pro choice of you now isn't it? And at this point the irony gets even thicker. Imagine you (Yea, I mean you liberal) went out and got your "Respect Choice" license plate. Now you are at the grocery store shopping, and you come out to see me bust out your window and take off in your car, what are you going to do? Are you going to call the police and report a crime, or are you going to respect my choice to steal your car? Idiots!

Clearly, there is only one right thing to do here. Offer the existing plate (against my protests) with a true alternative. How about the North Carolina General Assembly approve a plate that is solid black with the chalk outline of a fetus on it that says "Choose Abortion." See, if you guys want to beat these liberals you have to play hardball. You can't continue to sit back and try to just be a bigger crybaby than they are and expect to win. You have to kick them right were there eggs would be if liberals had any. You want a choice, liberal? There it is. Put that on your Volt and charge it!

While I'm at it, let's deal with a few other states that need some choice introduced into their license plate situations. What if I live in Maine and I'm sick of all of the tourists? Should the State be able to force me to advertise Maine as "Vacationland" everywhere I go? Shouldn't I have a "Maine: Get Back To Work" option? And North Dakota should not be able to force it's residence to drive around with "Peace Garden State" on the back of their car! That's a political statement. They should offer an alternative like "Choose War." Oklahoma should counter it's current "Native American" with an "Illegal Immigrant" selection, and Utah could offer those tired of "Life Elevated" a "Bury Your Dead" alternative. And I've had about enough of New Hampshire with their "Live Free or Die" ideology they try to force on everyone. If given the choice, I would personally opt for a nice "Kill People and Go To Prison" tag myself.

What we really need in the license plate market is uniformity. Remember when every state had one plate, and most of them only had the State name on them? Every state offers between 10 and 50 different options now. Do you realize how hard it is for me to figure out what state you are from now so I can give you the derogatory name that I have appropriated to residents of your state when you cut me off? I can't even imagine what it is like for a poor State Trooper on Thanksgiving Weekend trying to figure out if he pulled over an organ donor from Kansas or an organ tuner from Arkansas. Nobody cares what you think or what your organization is. You just tell me what state you are from and I will fill in those extra personal details about you when you sit at the light for an extra 30 seconds after it has turned green.