The Real Life Of Julia
Having fun with President Obama's latest generalization of women. Creation Date Friday, 04 May 2012. Hits 1997
For the last few years I have been questioning the true genius of our President. I must now say that I stand corrected. Upon hearing about the story from his book about a girl he had dated, and learning that it was in fact a "composite girlfriend" I figured the guy would be in big time trouble with women voters. After all, anybody who has dated one of these specimens has learned by now not to say "you women are all alike" or "it figures that a woman would say that" or "your sister is really hot." That last one doesn't really apply here, but you shouldn't say that. It will get you hurt. But back to the genius of President Obama, this guy has managed to find a way to lump every women he has ever dated into one chick, give her a generic name, and tell her story without outraging the ladies. And if that wasn't enough, he created a new fictional girl to show how his policies will help all women who are exactly alike throughout the course of there extremely similar existence. Her name is Julia. Let's have fun with her, shall we?
My first problem with Julia is how did she get here? Did President Obama get consent from her cyber mother before punishing her with a baby? And notice how he just assumes that her mother will decided to go full term and have the baby? But I guess I'll let him off the hook on that one. After all, it wouldn't be much fun if it simply said "Julia was spared the frustration of trying to find a job in President Obama's economy when her mother used the insurance policy that was given to her by Obama Care to get an abortion down at Planned Parenthood" now, would it? So let's forgive the President for making the decision for her Mother and forcing her to give birth to Julia.
The Life of Julia jumps forward to the age of 3, where she gets enrolled in a Head Start program that Romney would likely decimate. However, it skips from there to the age of 17. This is a big mistake! They forgot about Michelle's school lunch programs. So let's take the liberty to add a stop on the calendar for the young lady, shall we? Let's check in with Julia at age 14 when...
Under President Obama: Julia is suspended from school for 5 days when a shakedown conducted by the First Lady discovers that she is attempting to smuggle a Twinkie onto school grounds. An ensuing 5 month investigation revealed that her mother was most likely unaware of the attempt, so Julia was allowed to move out of foster care back into her home, and no child abuse charges were filed against her mother.
Under Mitt Romney: Julia eats Twinkies all day every day until she goes into a diabetic coma and dies in a gutter on Main Street because her mother doesn't have health insurance and Romney hates children and especially female ones.
Now we are going to jump forward to the slot where Julia turns 23, because I have to take issue with what it says here. Sure, she graduates college. No problem. But wouldn't it read more accurately like this?
Under President Obama: Because of steps like the Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act, Julia is one of millions of women across the country who knows she'll always be able to stand up for her right to equal pay. She starts her career as a web designer. And that is why Julia is making the exact same amount as her unemployed male counterparts.
Under Mitt Romney: He has refused to say whether he would have vetoed or signed the Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act. Wait, wasn't Julia 3 when this thing started? Exactly! But you elected Mitt Romney. Immediately following his inauguration, he declared martial law and made himself the Supreme Ruler of The United States of America. Julia is currently incarcerated in a Prison Camp in Nevada where she knits socks for rich people without pay, and exists entirely on bread and water.
Now Julia is 31 years old. To complicate matters, the girl that was born for the sole purpose of being an object lesson in how all women are exactly alike is also forcefully impregnated by the Obama Administration, and she is also denied the option of getting an abortion. I find this to be appalling, so let's take a more politically correct view here.
Under President Obama: Julia decides to have a gender reassignment surgery. Not that there's anything wrong with that.
Under Mitt Romney: Julia decides to have gender reassignment surgery. She is declared to be an evil he she who will burn in hell for all eternity.
This life of Julia continues all the way to age 67, when suddenly Julia stops benefiting from President Obama's policies. Why is that? Did she die? Did something happen to her? Does President Obama not want to help the elderly? I can't be sure, but what I can be sure of is this. You liberals who lash out whenever we conservatives use the phrase "cradle to grave" can no officially stick it, since this illustration of cradle to grave intrusion into the life of Julia is on the President's own website. Man, I really am starting to miss those feminists who said that they could do it all on their own. What ever happened to those women?