The Axis of Stevil Show. Your world, my spin.


Los Suns

In an effort to prove that athletes are not typically at the top of their class academically, the Phoenix Suns have opted to wear their "Los Suns" jerseys for their playoff games. The Jerseys are pictured below, followed by their usual apparel.

Phoenix Suns

The team will be wearing its "Los Suns" jerseys for Wednesday night's Game 2 against the San Antonio Spurs "to honor [the] Latino community and the diversity of our league, the state of Arizona, and our nation." Awesome.

The decision to wear the jerseys came from way up the corporate ladder, as team owner Robert Sarver suggested the team wear their Noche Latina alternates.



Notice, the word "The" doesn't appear in the normal Jersey. The word "Suns", however, does. So why not a Jersey that says "Sols"? Would it be too confusing for these idiots? Would they not know which guy to pass the ball to? But more importantly, why fly in the face of 64% of the people of your State, not to mention 51% of the American people?


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Will Obama Make Letterman

Just for some giggles, I wanted to take you back for a moment to a simpler time in our Country. Back to a day where a moron could be a moron and we could all have a good laugh and we didn't have to pretend that the guy was some kind of genius. Yes, ladies and gentleman, I am of course talking about when Dan Quayle was Vice President. Anyone care for a "potatoe"?

Yes, that is the moment when a 6th grader taught the Vice President of the United States how to spell the word "potato". In fairness to former Vice President Quayle, he was indeed enforcing the spelling of the word as it was listed on his flash card that was provided for him by the school. I wonder what the excuse is here?

Barack Etology 2010

Notice, in this case President Obama is attempting to spell the word "Syracuse". You can see the result of such a strain on the Presidential brain. In this instance, however, the correct spelling of the word was given to the President a mere two inches away from where the word was officially murdered and later pronounced dead at the scene. 

It should be noted that the bracket scenario didn't get much better for the President. 

Barack Etology 2010

President Obama managed to get only 2 of the Elite Eight, and that number was artificially inflated thanks to a save by Andy Katz when President Obama attempted to pick Missouri over West Virginia. His pick of Nova to beat Duke and Kentucky over West Virginia lead to none of his teams making the Final Four. Now, once again, to be entirely fair, I don't think that anybody could have guessed this Final Four. There were some stunning upsets this year, and I didn't personally do a bracket, but mine would not have looked much better. 

Either way, here at The Axis of Stevil Show, you are officially allowed (in fact, you are encouraged) to laugh at both of these clowns, so I have compiled the first ever Axis Top Ten Gaffe Off between former Vice President Dan Quayle and sitting President Barack Obama.

10. Where am I?

Dan Quayle: "I love California, I practically grew up in Phoenix."

Barack Obama: In front of a roaring Sioux Falls, S.D., audience, Obama exulted: “Thank you, Sioux City. ... I said it wrong. I’ve been in Iowa for too long. I’m sorry.”

9. When was that?

Dan Quayle: "I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good judgments in the future."

Barack Obama: “There was something stirring across the country because of what happened in Selma, Ala., because some folks are willing to march across a bridge. So they got together and Barack Obama Jr. was born.”  Obama was born in 1961. The Selma march took place in 1965.

8. Where are we?

Dan Quayle: "We have a firm commitment to NATO, we are a part of NATO. We have a firm commitment to Europe. We are a part of Europe."

Barack Obama: Explaining why he was trailing Hillary Clinton in Kentucky, Obama again botched basic geography: “Sen. Clinton, I think, is much better known, coming from a nearby state of Arkansas. So it’s not surprising that she would have an advantage in some of those states in the middle.” On what map is Arkansas closer to Kentucky than Illinois?

7. What are they doing?

Dan Quayle: "Welcome to President Bush, Mrs. Bush, and my fellow astronauts."

Barack Obama: "I want to thank President Obama for inviting everyone over."

6. They did what?

Dan Quayle: "Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child."

Barack Obama: "I don't want them to be punished with a baby."

5. They Need What?

Dan Quayle: "What a waste it is to lose one's mind. Or not to have a mind is being very wasteful. How true that is."

Barack Obama: Everybody knows that it makes no sense that you send a kid to the emergency room for a treatable illness like asthma, they end up taking up a hospital bed, it costs, when, if you, they just gave, you gave them treatment early and they got some treatment, and a, a breathalyzer, or inhalator, not a breathalyzer.

4. What's the word?

Dan Quayle: "One word sums up probably the responsibility of any vice president, and that one word is 'to be prepared.'" 

President Obama: "Corpsman"

3. Huh?

Dan Quayle: "The future will be better tomorrow." 

Barack Obama: “The reforms we seek would bring greater competition, choice, savings and inefficiencies to our health care system.” 

2. Back for another.

Dan Quayle: "I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy -- but that could change."

Barack Obama: “On this Memorial Day, as our nation honors its unbroken line of fallen heroes — and I see many of them in the audience here today — our sense of patriotism is particularly strong.”

1. From beginning to end.

Dan Quayle: "The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history. I mean in this century's history. But we all lived in this century. I didn't live in this century." 

Barack Obama: "“Those same folks who were hollering about it before we passed it, they’re still hollering about how the world will end because we passed this bill. This is not an exaggeration.”"





No Saint's Sympathy Here

I'm hearing this notion that's being tossed around that the Saint's should win the Super Bowl because it would be a great story for the city after Hurricane Katrina. This got me to wondering, how much sympathy can one milk out of a single tragedy. Will it ever end? Senator Landrieu used this excuse for the Louisiana Purchase. We heard it before when the Saint's made the playoffs. When will it end?

New Orleans Saints

I didn't hear anybody saying "I hope the Vikings win after everything the people of Minnesota went through when that bridge collapsed". Nobody was suggesting the Jets should win it all because of 9/11. No, with the Jets it was the team that was the story. Quit crying. You had a storm. Get over it already. Yea, I know. It's mean spirited. Many will say "Steve, did you see that city? It looked like a warzone". I know. Did you see it before Katrina?

And what about Pennsylvania? They had that storm right after Katrina that flooded large portions of the state. Plus, they have to deal with Arlen Specter.  No sympathy for the Eagles though. California has fires and mud slides every other year. Half the State is starving right now for the sake of some stupid minnow. But no love for the Chargers. Nobody suggested that they should win one for the Kangaroo Rats.

Based on this theory, what about the Patriots. After all, the Pilgrims had a pretty rough trip over here from England. Disease and hunger were rampant on those ships. People died. The ones who survived had to get used to a whole new country. Rough winters and strange wildlife. And can you imagine running from a bear in a two foot high hat and shoes with belt buckles on them? That's tough. But you won't hear me saying "win one for the Pilgrims, New England". Why? Because I don't give a damn what your city has been through. It's football, man. May the best team win.

Forget the plots and sub plots. Forget about Archie Manning, it's Peytons turn. The Colts will win because they are the better team. Then I will have to deal with a couple weeks of "It would have been great for New Orleans if the Saints would have won". Guess what, Big Easy. You guys paid it forward.  You guys have had that whole Mardi Gras thing going on for years. You live in a city that is 15 feet below sea level with the ocean below you and a lake above. You are protected from the lake by a wall and from the ocean by a beach. Who would have thought that a hurricane could get past that tough defense? 

Can we kindly skip the sob stories and just get back to football? If the Saints win, good for them. But when the Colts defense goes through that secondary like Lake Pontchartrain through a broken levee, I don't care to see the tears. There's no crying in football. Just play the game already!


Super Bowl Sunday Picks

Wow, how right was I? If only Brad Childress had listened to The Axis of Stevil Show on Saturday, he would have never sent the offense out on the field against the Saints when he got the turnover on the New Orleans ten yard line. He would have marched his special teams unit straight out there and taken the sure 3 and avoided the Brett "Middle Man" Favre and his offense turning over the ball and the Vikings would be headed to the Super Bowl. If you missed the show, you can hear it here. Here is what I said in my post about it.

On three occasions in this game, Dallas turned the ball over in field goal range. First on the 20, then on the 15, and finally on the 31. Had Minnesota just marched their kicker out there and attempted the field goal straight out the gate off of these turnovers, they would likely have netted 9 points off of them. Instead, they put the ball in the hands of Brett Farve who was able to turn a sure 9 points into 6. I guess that is amazing in it's own little way.

Now I know it wasn't Favre that turned the ball over here, but it was his offense. That having been said, let me take a moment to dispose of this notion that this game was somehow a fluke for Favre. I'm sick and tired of him being called one of the best quarterbacks in the league. Yea, you loved it when I ate the crow last week, so bear with me while I wash it down with a nice tall cold glass of Brett Favre Haterade.

Brett Favre Haterade

Brett Favre History Lesson

A Giant Debacle

Date: Jan. 20, 2008 Score: Giants 23, Packers 20

On a frigid night in Green Bay and with a Super Bowl berth on the line, Favre faded badly in the second half of the NFC Championship game. He ended his Packer career with an ugly overtime interception to Corey Webster that the Giants converted into the game-winning field goal. Favre said good-bye to Green Bay looking old, cold, and indifferent.

Raped And Plundered

Date: Jan. 9, 2005 Score: Vikings 31, Packers 17

Minnesota visited Lambeau Field as a lightly regarded, 8-8 Wild Card team. The Packers were division champs on a late season roll. Favre responded with yet another playoff stinker, throwing four interceptions. The bad taste of this game carried over into a disastrous 2005 and led to the firing of coach Mike Sherman.

A Pack Of Birds

Date: Jan. 11, 2004 Score: Eagles 20, Packers 17

Favre led Green Bay to a first-quarter advantage in this NFC playoff contest, then seemingly disappeared for the rest of the game. Handed a chance to win in overtime, Favre heaved an ill-advised pass into the hands of Philly's Brian Dawkins. The Eagles converted the pick into the game-winning field goal.

Quoth The Falcon

Date: Jan. 4, 2003 Score: Falcons 27, Packers 7

As NFC North champs, the Packers were a big favorite going into this Wild Card matchup. Green Bay never got on track offensively, Atlanta jumped out to a big lead, and Favre killed any second half comeback attempt with poor play—a lost fumble and an interception in Green Bay's first home playoff loss in history.

Grab A Six Pick

Date: Jan. 21, 2002 Score: Rams 45, Packers 17

The hype for the "Brett Favre vs. Kurt Warner" showdown in the NFC playoffs was huge, but Favre delivered one of the worst postseason quarterback performances in history, tossing six interceptions with two returned for touchdowns.

Now, I am well aware that Brett Favre has passed Marino for all of the NFL Passing records. But understand the difference between a guy who sets records and a guy who compiles records. Despite holding all of the top passing records, Dan Marino is 8th (as of the start of the 2009 season) all time in interceptions with 252. He formerly held the record for most attempts, completions, touchdown passes, and more. The guy whose records he broke was one Fran Tarkenton, who is 5th on the all time interceptions list with 266. Brett Favre, the current holder of all of those records, is #1 on the all time interceptions list with 310. #2 isn't even close with 277. Brett Favre isn't a great quarterback who breaks records. Brett was a good quarterback who hangs around long enough to compile statistics that add up to a record.

I won't address the Brett Favre retirement issue as to speculate if he will stay or if he will go. I'm pretty sure he will schedule another cry baby press conference for the Super Bowl halftime show which will start with Brett in a purple prom dress and end in a make-out session with John Madden and yet another Super Sunday wardrobe malfunction as the two dream of retirement together. Then at some point, I'm sure we will get the reports that Brett has changed his mind. But I, personally, can't think of a better way for the second most over-rated quarterback in the history of the game to go out. 2nd, you ask? Yea, the very fact that anyone even loosely associated with an NFL franchise thought that Kordell Stewart could be a Quarterback makes him the all time most over-rated. Brett ain't far behind.

If Brett comes back, I'm sure we'll all get a few more good laughs as his fans take him seriously one more time. If he doesn't, what a fitting way for it all to end. Sure, Brett got knocked around. He got absolutely blasted by the Saint's defense. He got hit so hard that he wound up sitting on the training table trying to figure out if the team doctor was holding up 3 fingers or a pack of hot dogs. But that... check that. Nothing is an adequate excuse for that pass Brett threw at the end of the game. There was a rookie QB on the field Sunday, but he wasn't in New Orleans, and he was far more disciplined than that.

Some are pinning this loss on Brad Childress. To them I say, give me the game plan that gives 4 turnovers to the best offense in the NFL and comes away with the win. Yet with under 40 seconds in the game, that is where the Vikings were. A"do"able 56 yard field goal away from a trip to the Super Bowl in Miami. Brett Favre had the ball in his hands. He had the odds in his favor. He had to chose one of four options. 3 left you with a good chance to win, one did not. The numbers alone dictate that one has a 75% chance of selecting a winning option.

1. Snap the ball and take the knee. Not the best choice, but a 56 yard field goal is possible.

2. As he scrambled, throw the ball away. Once again, not the best, but you still have that 56 yard field goal attempt upcoming.

3. Scramble. There is a clear lane ahead of Brett. Even with his injured ankle, he is sure to get a minimum of 5 yards. This would set up a field goal attempt of between 46 and 51 yards.

4. As you scramble to your right, throw back across your body into the double coverage into the middle of the field.

3 acceptable choices, yet Brett goes with the 4th choice, which was a completely unacceptable decision.  Against all odds, Brett Favre managed to snatch defeat from the hands of victory. Why? Because Brett always does. Can you find blame elsewhere? Of course. If Peterson doesn't fumble at the Saints ten... If Childress doesn't send 12 men into the huddle... all of these scenarios I recognize. Yet there was one, and only one point where it was make or break do or die. You didn't need a great pass. Heck, you didn't even need a pass. You didn't need a great run. Truth be told, you might not have even needed a run at all. You needed an average quarterback with marginal decision skills. What you had was Brett Favre. Hence, New Orleans goes to Miami to take on Indianapolis.

Never before have I seen a Championship round that presented such polar opposites. The Colts went up against the #1 defense in the league and slowly but surely picked it apart. Manning was unbelievable. He was nearly perfect reading and adjusting to that defense. New Orleans played exactly as poorly as a team can play while advancing. Given 5 turnovers, the Saints needed all of them to convert on a long field goal after a several close calls went their way to put them in position for said field goal. They were positively horrible. I don't see the Colts having much trouble with the Saints on their way to Mannings second ring.  Indianapolis gets the win here no problem.

As for the Vikings and the Jets, let me say this. I am no Jets fan by any stretch of the imagination. I feel the need to applaud them on a great season. That having been said, let us face the fact that they overachieved and probably won't get nearly this far next year. For the Vikings, I was very impressed with their defense. Offensively, they are a pretty good team to. If they give up on this ridiculous notion that Brett Favre is the missing piece to the puzzle, they could well be on their way to the big game next year. If they rely on Brett again, look for another notorious Favre melt down to knock them out of the playoffs once again.


Championship Series Preview

Let me start this all off by wrapping up my 0-2 Sunday picks. I'll start with my boldest prediction and the one that I have and will continue to receive the most criticism for. The Vikings defense laid down the law in Minnesota holding Dallas to 3 points and sending Minnesota off to the NFC Champonship Game. Oh, were you wanting me to put this the way the rest of the media does and act as if the "Ageless Brett Favre continues to amaze"? Let's take a closer look at reality here. This was a win by the Vikings Defense.


On three occasions in this game, Dallas turned the ball over in field goal range. First on the 20, then on the 15, and finally on the 31. Had Minnesota just marched their kicker out there and attempted the field goal straight out the gate off of these turnovers, they would likely have netted 9 points off of them. Instead, they put the ball in the hands of Brett Farve who was able to turn a sure 9 points into 6. I guess that is amazing in it's own little way. 

The Vikings managed to create a little controversy with their play calling inside the two minute warning. Going for the first down on 4th and 3 is fine by NFL etiquette.  Dallas stacked the box expecting a run play, which is the typical move by a team who has the game already won. Instead, Minnesota decided to steal a play out of New England's playbook and throw one into the end zone. Against a sell out run defense, Favre was finally able to produce a touchdown out of a turnover on the Dallas end of the field. Here is what Cowboys Linebacker Keith Brooking had to say about the play call. 

"I thought it was totally classless and disrespectful," Brooking said. "This is the NFL, that's not what this is about. I don't think there's a place for that ... I was looking for [Vikings coach Brad] Childress. I didn't think it was right, but they've got to see us next year. They've got to see us. You better believe I'll have that one circled on the calendar, but I say that, we get paid to stop them. I don't care what's called, but sometimes I don't think there was much class in that decision to do what he did."

Reading the comments, one can easily see that there are pretty much two sides taken by NFL fans on this outburst.  Yes, especially under Jimmie Johnson, the Cowboys have been accused of running up the score. However, the way they did it was typically lining up and running the ball down your throat there, often with a backup running-back. To throw there is classless and running up the score. I understand Brooking's frustration. But save it for the field, big guy. Your anger should be at your own offense, not the other guys. Romo and company were completely unable to move the ball against Minnesota when they really needed to. Their problems were further compounded by two missed field goals. 

So here it is, people. The Minnesota Viking defense rammed the crow down my throat and pushed their team on to the NFC Championship Game to face the New Orleans Saints who made short work of the Cardinals on Saturday. The Vikings Defense will do much better against New Orleans than did Arizona, but they will not be able to shut them down like they did the Cowboys. Look for the Saints to have little trouble with the Vikings on Sunday. I like the Saints to win by at least a touchdown. 

In Sundays other game, the Jets shocked the Chargers and whoever the heck showed up wearing the Chargers uniforms. The team that Brett Favre (yes, one last shot) couldn't get into the playoffs last year is now one game away from the Super Bowl. The problem? That one game is against the Colts. It's basically a speed bump on the road to the Super Bowl everyone expected a month ago. Colts by ten to head on to Miami to face the Saints in the big game.



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