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Judging A Book By Its Cover

Pirates Don't Change Diapers

 Pirates Don't Change Diapers

Melinda Long

Pirates Don'rt Change Diapers

Judging A Book By Its Cover

 

This book is a message from the Somli pirates to the Obama administration. Well aware of the fact that Obama won his victory by crying to his leftist audience about how hard life is in America, the pirates set out to set the record straight with this book. Mr. Obama, only in America could having to sell your $250,000 house to move into a $1,200 a month 4 bedroom apartment be looked at as hard times. In America, you may worry about how you're going to pay for your health care. In Somolia, we worry about how we're going to stay alive until the next meal. So the pirates set out to get the message across to Obama. Perhaps the G20 powdered your butt and made you feel special. Maybe the Queen didn't want to hear you cry so she let your wife grope her. But we Pirates? Well... Pirates don't change diapers!

When you set out into the Pirates territory, you are stepping into a mans world. A world where the size of your ships doesn't matter, it's how you use them. Apologizing may get you somewhere in your world of diplomatic negotiations and international pandering. But in a Pirates world, it's all about muscle and brawn. Hence, four pirates in a lifeboat can hold off 3 battleships with enough ammo to sink a fleet of ships. We will steal your freight. We will hold your people captive. But we will not change your diaper. 

If you want to come play in Samoli waters, understand the game. This isn't your little basketball court where a hard foul gets you a free throw and the ball back. This isn't your bowling alley where you can get schooled by a special olympics bowler and laugh it off on Leno. No, Mr. President, this is full contact, in your face, high stakes gambling. A place where spineless little boys like you are sent crying home to their mommy's. Do you have what it takes to play our game?

Consider this. If it were four of your guys holding one of us in a lifeboat, and we had a fleet of naval destroyers, how long do you suppose you would have held us at bay? So here is some food for thought on your trip back home to your mommy. We have your ship captain because you have shown us that you lack the intestinal fortitude to do anything about it.  And we will keep taking your stuff until you convince us that you have grown a set.

Now, don't misunderstand us, Mr. President. We love you. We hope you win your next election too. We look forward to all of the money you will be sending us for all of the future cargo and people we hold for ransom. Yes indeed, we may even give some of the money back in the form of a campaign donation. Just do not make the mistake of thinking this is some kind of weakness.  It is not. It is merely self preservation. In the past your Country has elected men who had some spine and would have dealt with us harshly. We dared not steal from them. But a new day has dawned, and that day has brought hope and change. But while we enjoy the hope that many more of your ships will travel through our waters bringing us loot, we must remain firm on this point. You are the source of hope, and you are the source of change. Not us. So when you're needing that diaper change, look to your own party there in America. We'll be out here at sea enjoying our own message of hope. Let's just call it a "Pirate Bailout". Thank you for your cooperation in this matter.

 

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