Girls Of Summer; Judging A Book By Its Cover

Written by Administrator on 08 November 2009.

Girls Of Summer

Author: Lois Browne

This book is a story about the aftermath of the 2009 World Series.  Following the Evil Empire (New York Yankees) defeating the Philadelphia Phillies, the game of baseball faced one of it's biggest crises yet. Not having learned from the movie "A League Of Their Own", crying began to take a firm hold on the game. Grown men everywhere traded in their overalls and work boots for skirts and high heels as they cried out "It's not fair!" and "The Yankees are to good".

For awhile there it seemed that we were doomed as men like former baseball players Bill Ripken and Rob Dibble morphed into their alter egos Bill Bitchken and Rob Dribble. Armed with emotion and their ever handy fact shield to  protect them from the onslaught of even the slightest dose of common sense, they bravely fought off the facts as they tried to use emotion to forever change our beloved game. 

Just when it seemed there was no hope, a hero rose up out of this wasteland of stupidity to save the game. The MLBPA said "Salary cap? No way!" They used the latest in technology, a death ray called "Collective Bargaining Agreements" to fight off the evil Girls of Summer. Ironically, this was the first time this weapon had ever been used in a productive manner. 

Now, rest easy. Bill Bitchken and Rob Dribble were not killed in the battle. They instead were knocked out of their moronic stupor and went back to dressing and acting like men and analyzing baseball.  They later considered apologizing for their actions, but decided against it as it might make them seem weak.

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The Tortilla Factory; Judging A Book By Its Cover

Written by Administrator on 19 September 2009.

The Tortilla Factory

By Gary Paulsen

To understand the book, you must understand some code words. We went to the U.S. Forrest Service for some insight on the lingo of the book, and they supplied us with the following list of terms.

1. Tortilla. A Mexican term for  a marijuana plant.
2. Tortilla Factory. A Mexican term for a United States National Park.
3. Tecate Beer. A Mexican name for Tecate Beer.
4. Spanish Music. A term used to describe when a Mexican yells out "Hey homes, the cops are coming".
5. Mexican. Drug dealer.

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Operation Vulture; Judging A Book By Its Cover

Written by Administrator on 04 July 2009.

Operation Vulture

By John Prados

Operation Vulture is the code word for the security detail that protects Helen Thomas, a reporter (ironically enough) for Hearst Newspaper Columnists. Helen is a member of the White House Press Corps, and has covered every President. Prior to that, she served as a court scribe for Henry VIII. 

Keeping the old bat safe from all of the threats to her well being is much harder than one might expect, and that is why the vultures are always circiling, waiting for one foul step to swoop in and snag her before her weakened bones can hit the ground. 

Helen Thomas has been known for being tough on Presidents. She once told an autograph seeker during the Bush Administration that she was "sad because she was covering the worst President in American history (that part is true) and I should know, I've covered all of them". Her attacks on the Bush Administration once prompted Tony Snow to reply to one of her rants with the comment "Thank you for the Hezbollah view".

Helen has been protected by Operation Vulture ever since she slipped and broke a hip in George Washington's canoe when he was crossing the Potomac.  Since then, they have saved her life over half a dozen times, including when she almost fell out of the balcony of the movie theater when Lincoln was assassinated. They have also saved her from identity theft since her social security number is widely known. It is 000-00-0004. (Cain killed Able before they started issuing the document.)

In all seriousness, when speaking of Helen Thomas, it is easy to be mean, rude, crude, and nasty. Yet it is important to remember that she could be someone's grandmother (heck, for that matter she could be some granmother's granmother), although I haven't attempted to verify that claim because the thought of that woman breeding is beyond the limits of torture I am able to endure.

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Spaghetti In A Hot Dog Bun; Judging A Book By Its Cover

Written by Administrator on 27 June 2009.

Spaghetti In A Hot Dog Bun

By Maria Dismondy

Everything was looking great for a nice summer picnic with Barack Obama and his friends, the Iranian Diplomats. The whether was beautiful, the smell of fresh cut grass in the air, the promise of beautiful fireworks at sunset. Everyone was so excited that they couldn't wait for the wonderful day of the picnic to get there. Barack promised to bring the hot dogs, and asked his Iranian friends if they would bring the buns. They agreed, and the cookout was on!

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