I was picking up a load at TLC in Kalamazoo, Mi. and they have one of those motivational posters on the wall in the break room. Here it is.

Teamwork

Teamwork: There is no such thing as a self made man. You cannot achieve your goals without the help of others.

I've often heard the expression that "3x's is a charm". That's not true for me.

I decided that I would go alone one more time just to see what it would be like if I did it again.  Oddly things happen in the Lady's restroom that are contrary to what women do everywhere else.  Yes, there are those that would be "catty" no matter where they are, but in general women (in my experience) seem much friendlier and they don't mind asking complete strangers how they look.  Often you don't have to say anything for someone to pay you a compliment or ask you the shade of lipstick you are wearing.

I decided to remain a complete drifter this time. I declined drinks and bought my own. I drifted away from conversations. I tried to avoid the question, "so who are you here with?" However, I noticed that if a woman saw me alone she would walk over. For example, I dropped a cigarette in the snow and a tipsy woman walked away from her two friends and offered me another cigarette and a light. Her group walked closer to me just so they could include me in the conversation. I was worried it was getting to that part of the conversation (when questions for me usually come up) so when I was finished smoking...I thanked her and walked back inside. Another woman who had seen me in the bathroom stopped me and said hello. She grabbed my arm and whispered, "Do you want something? I will share some with you."

Well, a friend of mine asked me for a favor. "Get me out of the house for a couple of hours, please." Okay, so she wanted to go somewhere.  I obliged her by taking her to the very place I had gone alone. It was almost empty and it was a week night. If I could do it alone, I was comfortable with taking her there. Well, I thought I was. I didn't take a few factors into consideration before I did it. First... Her behavior was more noticeable than if it had been crowded. Secondly, it's unlikely that the owner would have been our bartender if it had been busy. He would have been walking the floor or something else. Why she chose to tell him that she wanted HIM to pass a message on to the "owner" of the bar... I will never know.

Her message was as follows," This bar sucks! You water the drinks down and charge too much. You're never going to keep a business going if you can't run it any better than this." He looked at her. I gulped because I knew who he was. He had introduced himself and I was the designated driver. She obviously hadn't heard him. If insulting him wasn't enough. There was a person playing a game (SOMEONE SHE DIDN'T KNOW AND HADN'T SPOKE TO)

She shouted across the bar at him, "Hey, that's why you don't have a girlfriend, rude-ass. What the hell is YOUR problem? Who comes to a bar to play a game and not look up?"

 

 

 

When you find the ONE that takes your breath away and they make the hurt stop. When they give you, sweet little breaths as they exhale from the kisses that make your head spin. When the dizziness ends and the world stops because you are where-you-belong. When the hurt stops because you have found the one that keeps you safe.  You suddenly realize the arms wrapped around you are the ones that are supposed to be there.

When the people of the past intrude upon your mind and the memories that you shared are replaced with relief.  Because you realize the others were temporary. The short amounts of time they had ---could never hold back the wave of love that crashed over you when the love of your life walked into it.

When the hurt stops because he holds you so tight that you couldn't imagine him ever letting go.

There they were... the reflections of a man and a woman. His friend -the one- he had wanted as a wife a long time ago.   She was his friend, his lover and his companion and she loved him enough to let him come and go.  A woman who would have been a in his life until his last breath. Until he needed to be reminded to take his medication and to watch him as he visited his grandchildren. She was there, to stay until the end. She believed him when he told her that he was staying with her until the end. That his love was strong and real and nothing would change it. She believed him every time he told her that "she was the one" and that's the way it continued for years. A lifetime had passed it seemed.  Loving a man shouldn't be as hard as he made it. Now it seems like she's angry all of the time. I remember when she was young. Every smile, Every memory of the way she used to be. The reason she stayed had everything to do with being in love, but she knew he had left her behind. Standing in the shadows of a man who could never see her value.  He never saw her beauty, he never told her she was. He always looked for the chance to find someone else to satisfy his needs because others always seemed to be more attractive to him. His desire to explore other women hurt her, but she thought it was just a man's nature. To "spread his seed" and to ignore the one he claimed to love. To say he "loves"her with his words, but never with his actions. His actions always made others ask her, "Why do you stay? Why don't you find someone to appreciate you? Why are you his doormat? Why don't you see the beauty in you? You can find someone better."  She never knew what they expected to hear her say. She just knew that she felt like he was her and that they belonged together. So she waited for the day that he would see her. Time passed by... and each time a little more of the light in her eyes seemed to fade. The soft smile, the generous heart, the kindness and warmth that she had inside had been dying slowly over the time  that he let slip past him. Her shoulders seemed to be weighing her down.  He would never know the beauty of being loved like that. He couldn't receive it because he couldn't give it.  He walked in and out of the door and she watched him come and go. It took him a while to come back and he seemed surprised to see that the light in her eyes was gone.  He reached for her hand to see if she was as warm as she had been, but she was cold to the touch. He called her name but she didn't answer. Her smile was gone and her warm glow had faded into a deathly gray. Her life was spent in the hours and days that he spent making her smile. His life was spent occasionally fitting her into his schedule. He would never know what he lost because he never knew what he had.  Her love wasn't enough.... and she spent her life alone, foolishly waiting for him to open his eyes.  She died the same way... thinking about the life that could have been. Waiting for him to come to her, but he never showed up..... a wasted love.

~I Figured I'd Write A Bit About My 2009 Since In About 5hrs It'll Be 2010~Let's See I Spent The 1st Day Of 2009 At A Bar Alone~From February-April Of 2009 It Was Pretty Great Because I Spent That Time Happily With Steve~May-July Wasn't So Great Because Steve & I Were Not Doing Well & Hit A Bump In Our Relationship~The End Of July Was Very Shitty Because Steve & I Broke Up~September-November Was Also A Shitty Time Because I Was With My Ex Husband Trying 2 Work Out Things With He & I~We Got Married Again & Well That Obviously Didn't Work Out So Well~November 29th-Present Has Been GREAT~Things Were Officially Over Between My Ex Husband & I~I Left Colorado & Am Now Back With Steve~I Get 2 Spend The 1st Day Of 2010 With Steve & Hopefully Everyday Of 2010 & Beyond~I Believe That We Belong 2gether~Hopefully 4ever That's What We'll Be~{I LOVE YOU STEVE}~