Crazy News

Muslim woman held in attempted slaying of husband; he made her wear sexy skirts and eat pork

Written by Mona on 03 November 2009.

Original New Source: Daily News Staff Writers

A soft spoken Muslim woman tried to slit her Staten Island husband's throat as he slept. Enraged that he made her eat pork and wear sexy skirts, officials said.

"It's time for you to die!" screamed Rabia Sarwar as she jumped on top of her sleeping husband, Sheikh Naseem sources said. He woke early Wednesday to find her straddling his chest and hacking at his neck with a knife. The burly 41 yr old teacher at Susan Wagner High School, overpowered the pretty, petite Sarwar, 37 and took the weapon from her. The two had only been married for five months. For Naseem, it was his third try after his first 2 marriages failed. The Pakistani-born Naseem was not a practicing Muslim but sought a traditional wife; their pairing was arranged through family friends. "Being that he didn't do very well the frist two times, he thought he would try a woman of his own culture," one of Naseem's ex-wives told the Daily News on condition that she not be identified. "She is very soft-spoken, very low-key," the woman said. "I would not have dreamed anything like this would happen." But authorities said she was furious that Naseem stayed so Western: "She's a very devout Muslim and she felt that he got her to marry him under false pretenses," a source said. "He doesn't really observe any of the traditions of Islam. She says he forced her to eat pork and wear short skirts." She also claimed that his favorite author was Salman Rushdie, reviled by devoted Muslims after writing the prophet-bashing "The Satanic Verses." Sarwar was released on $25,000 bail after being arraigned yesterday on attempted murder charges. She claimed "months of emotional abuse and duress," sources said. The Police had no record of domestic abuse complaints against Naseem. It would be my singular opinion that the person in the fan picture added to this article is not affiliated with the Islamic religion. However, it is possible that this fan does not eat pork or wear short skirts as they are not the subject of the photo. Hopefully, our host sleeps lightly just in case.

Man hid ferret down his pants to steal it, then used it as a weapon

Written by The Content Czar on 03 November 2009.

Source: The Associated Press

JACKSONVILLE BEACH, FL.- It's one thing for a shoplifter to hide stolen items in their clothing.. but a ferret?? Police say a homeless man in north Florida hid a ferret in his pants and made it out the door before being challenged. 38 yr old Rodney Bolton is charged with theft of the $129.00 ferret that he took from a pet store in Jacksonville Beach. A 17yr old witness confronted Bolton in the parking lot and was bitten by the animal the man allegedly shoved into the teen's face. The confrontation makes the ferret a "special weapon" under Florida law. Bolton also faces battery charges for dangerously wielding the animal. Calls to the Jacksonville Sheriff's department to see if Bolton has a lawyer were not answered early Thursday morning.

(Our own crazy story to tell) A LETTER TO THE AXIS

Written by Erma Jean on 28 October 2009.

I’m excited about receiving this letter. It is the first known of its kind and it arrived here at the Axis of Stevil Show’s information hub early this morning. It has not been authenticated yet. Therefore, I must say as a disclaimer that this letter could be completely bogus. I admit it’s an interesting look into the lives of the family that we never hear about. It is not my intention to judge, but maybe after I share the letter addressed to The Axis of Stevil Show. Perhaps we can get an idea of why there is no mention of these family members.

Dear, AXISES of Steve,

I have been told that you can get my letter to my couson Barrack. I herd that I could hear yer show on a MP3 player but I only haves the MP1.5 I know that the IZOD’s are back in stile again but my IZOD is old and the alligettar on my shirt doesn’t make noise. I hope you will PLEAZE HELP ME! The Pinselfvania Avenue Address over yonder in Washington DC does not work. My letters come back “RETURN TO SENDER” but I am the sender! And I don’t won’t it back. I think they must be confused. So I come to you for help. Thank you real much in advancement for your help. Sinsurly, Erma Jean.

Now before I continue into the letter, that she is asking the Axis of Stevil Show to pass on. I thought it was only fair that the Host was asked if he wanted the contents of this unauthenticated letter read or published on his show. He was unavailable for comment so as his co-host I have decided to proceed. Once the letter has been thoroughly fact checked and investigated, I will come back and issue an apology or confirm its authenticity (if necessary) and if not this is going to be a yet another Axis Exclusive.

Dear Couson Barrack,

I hope my letter finds you in good healthcare. We never hear from you except for what the news says. I was inspired by some of them things you said about being Noble and the Prize you won for running for President. We was all real proud of you. I wanted you to be the first one in the family to know about my big decision. I decided I am taking your advise that not everybody can be ball rollers. I’m givin up my life long dream of being a professional lawn mower racer. In the last 3 major races Manwell Labor has beat me. He’s real talented because he does practice all week. He just brought his family over and everything. I know you understand better than anybody on account of how you changed your mind about them towelbands in Alfgainastand and the Russans, China and of course those Irunaians and everything. Manwell Labor said he wouldnt talk to me so I followed your examples and backed off real quick. I do have good news. The amature skydivers team I joined 3 years ago has started back up again. Last year we had made it to the final round when one of our members named Jim had his parashoot fail. Sadly he didn’t have insurance. It upset me because I know that if had insurance instead of duct tape covering the hole in his parashoot he would’ve survived. Jim will be missed but between me and you. Jim was kind of slow and a little bit lazy. The good news about that is that our couson Bertha decided that she wants to replace JIM! She only weighs 280 pounds now. Can you believe that she lost 100 pounds on the new Obamonomics diet? We are hoping that the excess skin she has from all that weight loss will act like floppy wings. You know like them flying squirrels you hear about on the Discovery channel. Then she’ll have a softer landing. Plus she has insurance so we all agreed that she would be just fine. I’m real happy about everything and I hope it works out. Before I go I wanted to tell you that Great Aunt Gertie had her 92^nd birthday. She was doing real good at the party until they brought out a big cake and a black man jumped out. It startled her so bad that she had put her oxygen mask on. I hope that doesn’t make her a racist now. I think she would have been just as startled if it had been a white man but I guess now we will never know. I hope to hear back from you soon. I know you have been real busy but I thought you should know that everybody here at the compound misses you. Well everybody but Jaccob who claims you are still runaway property. You know how those kinds of people are. Travel safe and remember only take the candy that the stranger licks first.

Lots of affection, your 2^nd couson removed,

ERMA JEAN

Wait! So we were wrong? "W", "T", "F" is about Wisconsin?

Written by The Content Czar on 24 October 2009.

Source: AP and the Wallstreet Journal Blog

OH YES, they certainly did. The internet lingo watchers across the world caught the humor in the acronym of the Wisconsin Tourism Federation months ago. The problem for Wisconsin was "what to do about it?".. For all those who need it explicitly spelled out: "W.T.F" was the laughing matter but not to the Wisconsin travel industry. There was no "LOL'ing" from the 30 year old coalition that supports the states travel industry. They learned of the fun being had over the acronym a year ago by bloggers. They decided to change the name as quietly as possible to the Tourism Federation of Wisconsin. (T.F.W) Julia Hertel, the groups admin in the Madison suburbs of Sun Praire said, "We don't want people snickering! It's not a laughing matter.."

(SMH well not NOW Julia. You ruined it. But before the name change, Yes. Yes, it is was very LOL funny.

I know I robbed you ma'am but... would you like to go on a date?

Written by The Content Czar on 24 October 2009.

Ohio police say a suspect in a robbery was arrested when the man RETURNED to the home about TWO hours later to ask the victim out on a date. Police say 20 year old, Stephfon Bennett of Columbus was among three men who robbed a COUPLE late Sunday. Columbus police Sgt. Sean Laird says the woman recognized Bennett as one of the robbers when he returned to ask her out. She had a relative call 911.