If you think political talk radio is a brutal place, you should try sports talk radio. In the world of news talk, you have a biased hosed with a political agenda attempting to spin current events to make you see them his way. In the world of sports talk, you largely have a field of minds so jammed with statistics and dates that they are unable to form a point of view on anything other than a simple Vegas line, let alone manage to try to find a way to spin the event for the mindless masses who tune it. This can make listening to channels like Mad Dog Radio on Sirius and XM Radio an exercise in frustration. Yet it is an exercise that I perform almost daily, and occasionally I call in to try to straighten some of these guys out. My latest beef? The New York Knicks.
It sounds more like a story one would read on a truck stop bathroom wall. In fact, I may have written it on a truck stop bathroom wall once a few years ago. Sorry about that, Rosie O'donut. Anyhow, this time it is for real. Karin Mackaliunus (pictured left) really does have heroin in her vagina. Or at least she did. But the really crazy part? That isn't the crazy part of this story. I mean, it is crazy, but once you get the whole picture, the moment she decided to stick you know what you know where might have been the most normal thing she did all day. Doubt me? Read on, person who likes to doubt stuff.
Apparently, things were going wrong long before this mental midget crashed her car in Scranton Pa. She had allegedly taken a few items from the Dunmore Inn (no word yet on where she was concealing those items), and that wasn't the crazy part either. She was detained at the scene of the crash by a Scranton officer at the request of the Dunmore Police department. A search of her person found 3 bags of heroin, which got her a free ride to the slammer.
At this point, the news stories are a bit conflicting. We do know she resisted a search at some point, and a few of the stories alleged that she then came clean to an officer that she had something hidden in her vajayjay. She was taken to a local medical facility for a doctor to perform a further search. And what, to his wondering eyes (or wandering hands) should appear? Everything but the kitchen sink.
Karin had (count them) 54 bags of heroin in her handy dandy pink purse. That's right, 54. Which brings me back to the three in her coat. I'm assuming they wouldn't fit? The search revealed a few other items that were stored in her compartment. 31 empty bags. 8 and a half prescription pills. Along with 51 dollars and (wait for it!) 22 cents. Bringing the total number of items retrieved from the offending oraface to 166... and a half. Which is good, because having 167 items in there would be positively disgusting.
At this point, one has to consider her packing habits. While it is no small feat to stuff 166 objects into one's vagina (I assume, but if a female reader knows I am wrong and would like to correct me, I dare you to in the comments below), let's just assume she had packed a little differently. I mean obviously, she knew she needed to hide the drugs. Perhaps she would have been better served to put the rest of the dope in there and put the money in her pocket. I'm just saying.
Then again, I have packed (not one of those) in a hurry, and I can recall more than one occasion that I packed something I wanted at the bottom of a suitcase only to decided later that I wanted it out on the trip. Being a lazy guy, I just leave it in there and do without. Perhaps that is what happened to her. Maybe she just assumed that she could fit all 57 bags in the dark musty hole before she started packing. It is possible that she planned to drop off the dope, then stop on the way back for some gas and a pack of juicy fruit so she stuck the $51.22 in first. Then, by the time she realized it wasn't all going to fit, she didn't feel like "unpacking" so she just pocketed the rest.
In the end, I suppose it is less important how it got there, and more important that one way or another, the official Karin Mackaliunas vaginal inventory list included $51.22. And as always, don't try this at home.